When Your Brain Knows the Way, but Your Body is Still Lost
A Reflection on Healing + Embodiment
Three years ago today, I did something that felt both reckless and necessary: I traded a six-figure salary and the security of success for a blank map and a chance to survive.
I walked away from a job I truly loved, without a plan or a safety net. I stayed as long as I did because I was trapped in a fixer mentality; I believed that with enough effort, I could repair a culture that was increasingly divisive, toxic, and defined by a relentless, never-enough pressure.
At the time, I didn't realize how deep the hurt, the pain, and the suffering actually ran. I told myself I was just tired and forced down another cup of coffee—I was a regular for a venti quad or americano with an extra shot or two, caffeine being the only thing keeping me afloat, even if it kept my nervous system in a state of constant, quiet vibration. I told myself the toxicity was just part of the job and the price I had to pay for the position I’d signed up for. I didn’t yet understand that the culture I was drowning in wasn't just exhausting me—it was systematically hollowing me out. It wasn't just burnout; it was a slow, quiet death of the self.
The Expertise Trap: Analysis from the Neck Up
By the time I left, I was, on paper, an expert in my field and in my own well-being. I had ten years of therapy under my belt and was trained in trauma-informed practices. I held multiple advanced degrees and had a career defined by achievements. I could psychoanalyze my life with academic precision, mapping out the exact conditioning that kept me tethered to my desk.
I became a master at explaining away the anxiety and the mounting panic attacks, constantly reciting the unspoken script that many women in leadership know by heart: "Don't show emotion. Don't show weakness. Just work harder.” I used that script to justify 12-hour days and nights spent staring at an inbox, believing that grit was the only acceptable response to the pressure. Truthfully, I don't think I even knew I was burnt out back then. I didn’t have a name for the void I was feeling because I was using my education and my clinical tools to successfully dissociate. I was an expert at the theory of my life, while remaining a total stranger to the experience of it.
I was a spectator to the life right in front of me. I was physically there, but I was mentally absent for my son’s senior year and those middle school moments with my daughter—the very years where a mother’s presence is a cornerstone. I was prioritizing the hustle, trapped in a never-enough cycle that kept me living in a mental penthouse while the foundation of my house was on fire.
I could explain the clinical mechanics of stress, but I had lost the ability to hear my own internal compass. I was a master at analyzing my behavior, yet I was completely disconnected from my gut—that deep, quiet place that knows when enough is enough. Perhaps the most painful irony was that I spent my days obsessing over how to support my team’s well-being, yet I refused to offer that same basic courtesy to myself.
I understood the why behind my suffering, but I had resigned myself to it, believing it was the only way to lead. I was an expert at my own history, yet I had no idea how to actually feel the truth of my own life. I didn't realize then that there was a better way—that I didn’t have to spend my life just managing my dissociation. I didn't have to settle for surviving. I could actually come home and inhabit my body again.
When the "Fix" is Just More "Doing"
In a desperate attempt to find balance, I doubled down on my greatest strength: collecting mastery. I didn't just try yoga; I pursued my Yoga Teacher Certification. I had an on-again, off-again practice for 15 years, but honestly, I thought that adding one more credential to my list—one more piece of intellectual armor—would finally fix the hollow feeling in my chest.
But I soon realized I could be just as disembodied on my yoga mat as I was in the boardroom. I was performing the poses, the breathwork, but I was still using my brain to force my body into submission. I was practicing wellness from the neck up, turning the mat into just another place to do more. I was mastering the practice while completely missing the point.
The real shift began after I left my job and pursued my PCC (Professional Certified Coach) credentials. For the first time, I wasn't just learning to manage people or change systems from the outside; I was introduced to the world of somatic practices, HeartMath, and physiological coherence. I began to understand the science of how we actually transform: it wasn't through another clever thought or a better strategy, but through a fundamental shift in our biology. This is when I truly started to practice. This was the beginning of Becoming AWARE—a shift in my baseline that changed how I showed up in every room I entered.
Today, I am a PhD student studying leadership (the irony of that isn’t lost on me). But I am doing it differently this time. This isn't about collecting another title to hide behind; it is about the rigorous study of embodiment itself. I am leaning into the research to build the very thing I lacked: a bridge between knowing better and living better.
I am leaning into "me-search"—using an academic lens to uncover the answer to the question that has haunted me: “What the f*ck actually happened to me three years ago?” I’m discovering a way to transform how we live + lead. We don’t need more leaders who can simply quote research. We need leaders who can embody it. Our current leadership reality isn’t working because it treats the human nervous system as an inconvenient footnote rather than the very engine that powers our existence.
Coming Home: The Foundation of Sustainable Leadership
Rediscovering my internal compass wasn't just a professional pivot; it was the moment I finally stopped being a spectator in my own life. It meant shifting the focus from an overactive brain that was constantly on to the intelligence of my body—learning to listen to my gut, connecting with my breath, and understanding the subtle sensations that carry our most innate wisdom. This is the heart of Sustainable Leadership. We’ve reached the limit of what thinking harder can do. The shift to an embodied way of being didn't just change my schedule—it rewired how I showed up in the world:
For my children: I moved from being physically present but mentally vibrating to a parent who can actually co-regulate and be truly still with them, honoring the highs and lows of life and everything in between. They don't need my advanced degrees; they need my authentic presence.
For my relationships: I stopped reacting from old, defensive conditioning and started responding from a grounded, felt center of coherence. This shift changed the frequency at which I was operating, which ultimately led me to meet the love of my life.
For my work: I realized that sustainable leadership isn't about grinding until you break and then recovering. It’s about leading from a nervous system that is regulated in real-time. I lead with more impact now by doing less. I bring a presence that is actually felt by those around me. I am achieving more—and with more ease—than I ever thought was possible.
Why AWARE Exists
AWARE is the vehicle for this bridge. We are taking the deep, evidence-based research of my PhD journey, the discipline of coaching, and the science of physiological coherence, and translating them into a practical reality for leaders who are currently where I was three years ago, or who want to prevent ever being in that place.
We exist to help leaders move past the expert dissociation celebrated across industries, but ultimately destructive. I learned the hard way that no matter how many degrees you have, if you are leading only from your head, you are leading from your conditioning—and that is the fastest route to lose yourself. AWARE is the better way, a way I didn't know existed three years ago, a way to lead from your whole self so you can sustain the work you love without losing the life you're living.
Looking Back to Move Forward
Walking away was the first truly embodied decision I had made in years. At the time, I didn't have a name for it. Now, I know the power of an Embodied Yes—and the vital importance of the quiet no in my gut that ignores the loud shoulds of traditional success.
Three years later, the plan has finally revealed itself. It wasn’t about finding a new job; it was about building a new way of being.
To everyone who has been part of this three-year evolution: thank you for being part of this journey. We are just getting started. To those of you currently in the never-enough cycle: I see you. I was you. And I promise you, there is a way to lead that doesn’t require you to lose yourself in the process.
Cultivate Your Presence: Join the AWARE Family
The journey of becoming AWARE is rarely a linear path, and it isn’t one we are meant to walk alone. If my story resonates with you, I invite you to find your place within our community. We offer multiple ways to stay grounded and develop your embodied leadership presence.
1. The Weekly Anchor - Join Our Email List
If you are looking for a gentle, weekly reminder to return to yourself, join our email list. Every Monday, we deliver a dose of intentionality straight to your inbox using our signature five-part rhythm:
The Anchor: A centering thought for the week.
The Wisdom: Insights from voices that inspire.
The AWARE Practice: A small, actionable exercise to build self-awareness.
The Resource: Curated tools to deepen your understanding.
The Embodiment CTA: A physical prompt to bring the practice into your body.
2. Join Our AWARE Community
For those ready to move from theory to transformation, our membership community offers a space for consistent, daily practice. This is where we do the work together through daily practices and monthly Masterclasses focused on our five pillars: Authenticity, Wellbeing, Alignment, Resilience, and Empowerment.
3. Be part of our Flagship Leadership Cohort: Becoming AWARE (Launching March 1, 2026)
For leaders who recognize themselves in my story—the fixers, the disembodied experts, and the high-performers currently keeping their heads above water with caffeine and grit—this is for you.
Our revised Becoming AWARE Leadership Cohort is an intensive, 8-week journey designed to bridge the gap between knowing better and living better. Traditional leadership training tries to change your mind; we work to change your state. Instead of just giving you more information to manage, we use the tools I spent three years uncovering—the same ones that moved me from a state of constant panic to one of grounded presence—to help you literally rewire your internal response to stress.
This isn't about memorizing new concepts; it’s about a physical transformation that lasts long after your laptop is closed. It’s the shift from reacting out of old, exhausted habits to leading from a place of calm, clear-eyed stability. It changes the way you handle a high-stakes meeting, and it changes the way you walk through your front door at the end of the day. Spaces are limited to ensure a close-knit, supportive circle. Applications are now open.
